January Usually Prompts Self Reflection, but is it Really a New Year, New You?

Alison Pick takes one other have a look at the idea of “New Year, new you” on this quick story.

Every month has a temper, a feeling, some mixture of recollections, moments and nostalgia. You know it—you are feeling it—even when you’ve by no means actually thought of it. To assist encapsulate the moods of the months, we’re asking novelists to tackle the calendar and evoke the emotions of every season by fiction, memoir or prose. Here, Alison Pick, writer of final summer time’s Strangers with the Same Dream, describes the self-doubt and self-reflection related to the brand new starting that January brings. New Year, new you?

The Mood: January

The first morning of the 12 months. Ghostly traces of coke on the glass espresso desk. January forward, brutally chilly and laborious. Someone had rented the penthouse at Madrigans all of the surfaces flat and glossy. I stood and smoked in entrance of the wall of home windows. Twenty tales down the rows of dirty vehicles with their purple taillights blinking like damaged Christmas lights. The metropolis wasn’t waking up—it hadn’t actually slept.

Once, in one other life, the New Year had felt pristine, unsullied, a subject of unbroken snow.

My pupils had been nonetheless massive; I blinked and wiped my nostril with the again of my naked arm. I assumed in regards to the tiny enamel on the serrated fringe of a razor blade.

Somewhere behind me Cam got here out of the bed room. He hoarked into the chrome steel sink. The splat of saliva. He stood behind me in his underwear together with his chin on my shoulder. The sizzling flat expanse of his naked chest. I felt his cock stir.

“Babe,” he mentioned.

I held my palm open like I wished to carry his hand but he handed me my smokes. I tapped the field and drew one out and let it hold from my pouty decrease lip. He felt round on the glass espresso desk and handed the Mickey Mouse lighter. The smoke rasped my lungs. There was a cough from the bed room. A leg protruding from behind the leather-based couch. Drew’s buddy. Mackenzie? Makayla?

The spaghetti strap of my negligee slipped off my shoulder and Cam pulled it again up together with his enamel. Every cell on my naked arm felt alive, tingling, a type of pleasure that would rapidly flip to ache. At the bottom of my cranium the start of a huge headache twined its fingers by my hair.

I used to be a fucking faculty graduate. What was I doing with my life?

There was a little bit of chipped black polish on my nails from a manicure that will need to have been two months in the past.

Hot air blew in from the resort vents, the type of stale recycled air that made you lengthy for out of doors, so contemporary and welcoming. But once you hit the road the chilly slapped you as an alternative. People went round with their eyelids frozen to their face. Twenty tales down I imagined the sound of the doorman’s shovel scraping throughout the icy sidewalk. I crushed out my cigarette within the reduce glass ashtray, went into the toilet and threw up into the bathtub. The vomit smelled like vodka and orange juice. I ran the water to clean it away. I didn’t care about resolutions. But my life wanted some type of plot.

“Babe?” I heard Cam name.

I leaned across the doorframe and noticed him in his black boxers, crouched by the espresso desk. The blow in neat strains like newly shovelled furrows of snow.

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